I reflected over the last 5 years of my life. I have achieved so little with it. I realise I probably in my head voice the view of so many when I say I’ve drifted in life. All the while kicking and screaming for success. Working the 100 hour weeks. In some curious way expecting to get what I wanted that way. I was and always have been wrong.
My life has drifted by, I’ve let my children get 5 years older, I’ve lost vision and passion, simply by being prepared to take every beating that was coming my way. Letting others destroy my vision piece by piece and in doing so destroy everything including the reason why I had thought I was here.
When I got knocked down I got back up again and so has been the mantra of this time period in my life.
It was only when I looked further back that I realised that the beauty was disappearing that life itself had become a chore. I can remember starting that charity at 19. I can remember my first trip to Madagascar. A trip where I had some of the most life-changing experiences of my life. My time alone in Antananarivo haunts the person I have become.
During that course I felt small for the first time in my life. My frame had went from that of a strong rugby player to a gaunt and skinny waif. For such a long time I felt weak because of that change. That was until I started to use my intellect to replace my brawn, and in doing so I forgot about my body.
Its taken so long to accept my intellect again feels weak. I’ve got dragged in 50 directions in the past and found nothing of a focus. I feel small. Small that is until I realised that I needed people of equal stature to push the world forward with. I needed to put my own mask on first and then find a team that we could each be strong within.
With new attitude I know I can be confident, with new confident I know I will be what makes the difference. I’m finally becoming the change that I want to see, and its happening one life at a time just as it was always going to do.
Depression clearing, anxiety raising, acceptance of who I am and why I am different in hand.
Its time for this dog to shake off the blows and start to bite back. No more barking over how good it was. Its time to act and create success.